Here is luo

难得失眠。爬起来写一篇blog。

有时候，你会觉得和一个人很近。不过也只是在某些刹那。更多的时候，哪怕是听着甜言蜜语，你也只能沉默以对。交换过眼泪和体温的情人有一天也会变成陌生人，而陌生人却始终只是陌生人。城市好大有时候觉得自己真的很渺小。尤其是，猝不及防的，你再一次无奈的饱尝生活的失落，人世的无常和讽刺。有时候，你不想再总是昂着头，积极的给自己鼓劲。这一刻，你只想耷拉着头，默默走过城市的街角。这一刻，你只想一头扎进被窝里放声大哭－－哪怕只能挤出可怜的几滴眼泪－－在这个干燥的城市，你的悲伤瞬间也被风化。这一刻，你看到别人手牵着手甜蜜的从你身边走过，而自己“只能两手插兜，左手摸手机，右手摸钥匙”时，你也有些羡慕－好像那样也不错啊。

偶尔，还想要到处走一走，耍一耍。一个人虽然会有点寂寞，也较比的自由自在。偶尔，也想有个温暖的家，在离开这个城市的时候想到会有人等我回来，那么漂泊也变成了温馨的流浪。我不是没有拥有过这种温暖，只是现在，我却只能说那时候太年轻～没有好好珍惜。so what ? 

好在，我还可以回家。哪怕是坐二十几个小时的火车，我想一头扎回家，在爱唠叨的父母眼里，我只要简单的做一个没有生活自理能力的三岁小孩就好。这个角色，我想我一定ok的。

晚安，这个庞大又没有一盏灯是为我而亮的城市。晚安，这个疯狂又神奇的世界。

This afternoon I saw caomeistar off at the Raiway station of BJ West-The weather was very good during that time-neither cold nor hot-just so cool-and the sun feels just warm--On the bus back to where I live, I was thinking of these 20 days I have been with my dear sis--It was all happiness and laughter--although we do quarrell a few times since sometimes both of us can get hot-tempered for a while--there is always an eased atmosphere soon after the tension with no need to apologize.  I love caomeistar--I am really gratefull for her mom to have given birth to her-So great to have a sis although she used to be a tiny tail I loathe and tried to get rid of when I was tiny too, haha

This is her 3rd time to be in BJ and I finally got the chance to show her around and let her have a touch of a real and deeper BJ~~We went to the Gulou area together and took a walk across the Hutongs and I treated her to the famous double-layer steamed milk of Wenyu Cheese shop althoug I am still amazed at the power of internet network-making the Wenyu Cheese Shop so famous and so hot and probably its milk product is not so stunning.  We went back to my colleage again and this time I have the leisure and time to lead her into both the Xiangcai restaurant and also the renowned cafe Sculpting in Time--we also had the chance to hang out on the playground of BFSU for a while and had some time on the swing of the playground, after a boy and a girl couple and before a family.  We went to VIVA to eat food, shop around, and tried 2 times to buy some outdoor clothing.  I dragged her to climb the classic hiking route from Xiangshan to Badachu the day before her departure and was dragged by her to the Zoo to see the most famous clothing warehouses and she later though that was really a bad idea.  She had a chance to meet both my dear friends in college and also the colleagues I always talk about to her.  I fulfilled my promise to treat her to the Roasted fish and she cooked for me almost everyday and I grew a few pounds thanks to her.  She went to the bookworm library and took a trip to Xiushui Street alone to wow the scene of so many language talents at clothing booths progandaing to Laowai.  We also went to the spot where the last scene at the fun TV series "Spring of Lichuntian" was shot-and she was excited, after that We went to the Central Perk cafe in BJ-also my first time to go there-the cafe was good and we watched Friends at the Friends-theme cafe-a wonderful wandering night.  We also took bus, metro, watched O.C. , took part in a gathering for hometown people in BJ, OTed at my office together, We even watched a movie at UME and shared a bottle of popcorn together-this was our first time to watch movie together-it was indeed memorable !  We also stopped by the singer with a Guitar in front of VIVA a few nights and were so impressed by the beautiful songs--although both she and I become a little bit shy when utting some change in his guitar bag.  We can't stop talking before we go to sleep and she insisted having a few nights on the Sofa because my bed is too small !  The only unfortunate event is that both of us almost stayed up each day during these days since each night we keep talking until we are exhausted and seized byZhougong. There are still some planed trips failed and I guess next time we will be able to finish them.    The past days with sis are rich and interesting and so healing, I look forward to having more jouneys with her to other places around the China and the world-That would be great.  

Right now caomeistar was on the train reading Amy's book she robbed from my bookshelf.  I hope she would enjoy her reading and do not forget to take the medicine on time since she was a little fevered when she left-I will remind her and still a little bit worried.  Isn't having someone to care about at this moment a good thing ? Blood is thicker than water-it's true.  Caomeistar is also a much more friendly and warm-hearted girl than I am-It's not me who teachers her but she as both a friend and sis always makes me feel I should be more open both in mind and heart.  Today I'll just stop here and write about her next time. 

August is a great month, and September is even better. Walking on the familiar lanes and streets between CBD and Shuangjing, I can feel the autumn is on its way.  The sky today is surprisingly blue and I can't help looking up-my neck really needs some relaxation too-I am hoping I could make tomorrow's badminton-journey-it always feels good to do some sports, even if it is exhausting and can sour the legs and arms for a few days. Writing this in En instead of Chinese can free me of a lot of worries in choice of words or tone-sometimes in a different language one can express itself more freely or bring out the subtle emotions or thoughts more effectively.  I don't know when I can have the guts to say all this in Chinese again-it just takes time.  I miss the past a lot, and I miss the friends of that time a lot, whom I've lost contact for a long time due to indifferences and neglect of nurturing those relationship I do care about.  I hope everyone is having a good life. Here at this time I have to face myself completely and without any chance to escape a little bit of it--all the good side and dark side, all the lovely aspects (if there is any) and all these annoying habits and attitudes, all the laziness and indifference, as well as arrogance and emptiness, all the forgotten dreams and badly-handled situations--I am wondering whether I still have the chance to be a better self.  Maybe by starting, I should go to bed early and rise early tomorrow and go to play the badminton as I promised on Wednesday evening. Go!

Today Ms. Caomeistar was spying at my computer again and has gone through all the pics in my PC, including those in colleage years, the first year after graduation, the different houses I've ever lived, the little trips to all those familiar spots in the city, the trip to other cities either with friends, colleagues or H.  It just occured to me so much time has fled away and I am no longer the 20-year-old girl who just graduated from the colleage and has a lot of empty dreams in mind and somehow it seems I'm back to the starting point, and lost again between both reality and dream, only to be a few years older and with more memories-some are happy, some are sad, and so much are left untouched. 

I hope I would be strong enough to carry it through, or may be not strong enough to let the restrained emotions go without ever trying to put them in order.  I feel so lucky to have the accompany of Ms. Caomeistar, who always carry the childhood memories with her everytime she comes to me, currently maybe the only place I can find peace and rest.  I hope I will be wise enough to tell all those false wishes from real ones, and be ready enough to start afresh.  Wish myself good luck. 

Being alone does not mean being lonely. I'm happy to say that I'm getting along quite well with myself.  Pain is part of the life and it's nice to feel that u r heading for the right direction and u know from your heart that it's the right thing to do no matter how much pain it may cost. I bear no grudge, though I feel really sorry, for both the one who made the decision and myself.  Timing is indeed a huge issue.  Though we have to part at this time of life, I will always remember all the beautiful memories-it's always an honor to have loved and been loved.  U know it's true and it did happen no matter how you call it at the end.  Hope I could do better next time.  And most apologies, most thanks, best wishes to the one I used to really love.  I've learned that from life: as long as we have been tamed to each other, we will always own the color of the golden wheat. 

Life can be simple and has become simple indeed: the only thing left to be done is to pick up all the lost self and dreams.  There are too many dreams to be realized and they have been forgotten and neglected long-I can only come after them by doing something starting from the current second.

G'night sweet and tough life ! G'night my beloved city !